just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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