Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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