So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
