i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
