dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
