Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
