guys are only as good as the porn they watch
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
