Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
