Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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