69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
