we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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