Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I want a musical about memes.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
