foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
