She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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