I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
