Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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