im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Congratulations! We have a period
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
