Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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