Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
