think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
