I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
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i want to swaddle you in tequila
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
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