I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
