So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
