Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
