you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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