so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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