Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
