you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
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