She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
