Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
