I can't breathe out the right side of my face
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
My bed smells like the plague
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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