508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
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