he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
