Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
