i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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