i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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