when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
