we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
