dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
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