look no pants
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
