there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
