Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
