What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
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