Pregnant stripper...not hot.
zippers are such a cool invention
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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