Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
