Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
