He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
