I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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