i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Randomize
