Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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