She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
there was a trapeze. enough said
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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