I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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