Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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