none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
