he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
She bit a glass in half.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
