Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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