she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
