If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
You did what with his pubic hair?
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