I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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