bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
is that a dick in a sweater?
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