just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
