summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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