definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
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Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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