is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
