Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
