Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
