I am puke
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
